FruitMonster.com

7 bananas, 6 oranges... MONSTERED!

eating until you’re full…REALLY full!

Have you ever wondered where that innate human tendency to eat until you’re stuffed comes from?  That deep desire to gorge yourself full of food?  Not wanting to stop until we’re packed to the brim?  Most of us identify pretty strongly with the need to ‘feel full’ after a meal, so we keep on eating until we’re content.  But then afterwards, we often finding ourselves feeling a bit guilty or gross when’re finished.  Groaning, we realize we ate too many calories, swearing off our gluttony, only to do it again next time!  All before slipping into a sleepy food coma.  From every direction comes advice on how to avoid this – eating very slowly, pausing for 10-15 minutes in the middle, taking special supplements, drinking caffeine or even smoking cigarettes to reduce our appetites!  Yuck!  Some people out there even have drastic surgies to bypass parts of their digestive system!  Does all this seem fairly unnatural or strange to you?  Why can’t we all just eat our way into stupid satisfied grins?  Well believe it or not, there is a lot of evidence that supports this tendency to eat a large meal is an instinctual mechanism within you.  That munching until your gut is fat n’ happy is something we are ‘programmed’ to do, a task our super expansive stomach is meant to handle, and not something we should regret or discourage!  In fact, we should eat this way!  But wait Fruity-freak, what about all the weight gain, health problems and malaise that accompany such behaviors?  How can you endorse pounding massive ‘mounts o’ munchies?

Well, here at Fruitmonster.com, it’s all about eating in a way that’s harmonious with your body.  And that means embracing this inner desire of glorified-gut-gluttony!  But that of course means it must be done while feasting upon the foods we were meant to feast on - Fruits!  And with that ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce to you…

 the art of fruitmonstering

1.25 kilos of lychees... MONSTERED!

The term ‘fruitmonstering‘ refers to the act of feasting upon an obscene amount of fruit, after which only fruit skins, pits, seeds, a juicy-faced, satisfied grin and protruding belly remain.  In preparation for the fruitmonstering process, fruitmonsters (who are also known to make mad green smoothies and wicked raw juices), will likely be giddy with antioxidant-rich anticipation as they perform the minimal amount of chopping, peeling and/or pitting needed to monster.  Remember that simplicity is a key element of fruitmonstering!  Fruitmonstering is best accomplished in a carnal manner, using only one’s hands, mandibles and fruit-slicing incisors, but may be accompanied by utensils to protect the livelihood of delicate or easily stained items in the fruitmonstering splash zone.  An absorbent, fruit-baptized kitchen towel has been deemed essential.

Ready, Set...MONSTER!

During the act of fruitmonstering, it is perfectly normal for said fruitmonster to be overwhelmingly excited about his/her meal to a level that may concern dull-eyed, french-fried-fingered spectators.  Fruitmonstering should continue until the fruitmonster is absolutely stuffed, his/her belly plump with pleasure.  A proper fruitmonstering session will leave a wake of devastation in the form of banana peels, mango pits, grapevines, orange seeds, along with untold other undigestible items of fruit origin.  Post-monster, a fruitmonster will be noticeably fruit-bellied, but never fear, due to the high water content and rapid digestibility of these low-fat-enzyme-rich tree ovaries, the fruitmonster will not suffer from the coma-like, low energy state that overcomes his fat-laden, salt-bloated, sugar-crashing peers.  Instead a fruitmonster will continue to exhibit the high-levels of positive energy, emotional tranquility and mental focus characteristic of fruitmonsters.  

In effort to spread the word of his/her joy-filled, life-giving fruitmonstering habit, the fruitmonster will often exclaim “Dude, I just monstered [INSERT OBSENE AMOUNT OF FRUIT HERE]” on their Facebook page, #fruitmonster the twitter-sphere and upload fruit carcass photos to Instagram, flickr, yfrog or in the case of embarrassingly voracious appetites, PostSecret.

So, are you ready to unleash your monster?

Find fruitmonstering ideas on my twitter page (#fruitmonster)